Resistance and the Start

This post was originally written on 28 August 2015, when I was in the throws of trying to live the life I would love, without the safety net of a full time job, or significant extra income. 

I had similar resistance to starting this blog, but I know that it is true for me to write in this format, so I had to cross the threshold once again and venture into the unknown... Welcome to the journey!

Getting this website up and running has been one unbelievable experience – in resistance!

I had bought the domain a few months ago with a view to making it a promotional website for a dedicated corporate training program that I had developed, and now I had decided that I wanted to change it into what you see here, a personal blog website that (hopefully) will inspire change in a few people’s lives. But, like with any good idea, the resistance kicked in.

Let me explain to you what resistance is; it is all of those things that happen that stop you from doing what you actually set out to do. Everything from the excuses you make about why it isn’t being done, to the other “important” issues that suddenly crop up, and even as extreme as causing major disasters in your life. Resistance is your unconscious assumptions and belief systems playing out.

In my case resistance reared its ugly head in the form of not knowing what the hell I was trying to do here. I didn’t know how to build a website and I definitely didn’t have any means to pay someone to do it. Plus, I had that little voice telling me how I simply wasn’t good enough yet, I didn’t understand the work I was trying to teach enough yet, and who the hell would want to read what I have to say? And the biggest of all, the fact that I was aiming to put myself out into the world and open myself up to be judged. Needless to say, the voice won and I procrastinated. Heck, I got so convinced that I just couldn’t do this that I subconsciously shut down my internet connection for two whole days! No matter what I did I couldn’t get online to work on this website. I simply was not ready for that type of exposure.

Through completing a process with my coach, I was able to determine that I have an assumption playing out that says in order to avoid getting hurt, I will avoid going for what I want. This assumption meant that I basically would avoid creating my website, because in my mind that meant I would be hurt through the exposure I was opening myself up for. No wonder I wasn’t getting anything done!

Obviously the fact that you are reading this on my website means that I got through my resistance. I built the site, created the content and now have completed my first blog post.

When we understand what drives the resistance we are able to acknowledge it for the story that it is, and rationally see that what is holding us back is not the “truth” of the matter. I have acknowledged that my fear of exposure is high, but I will not die from it. It is after all a big part of why I wanted to create this site in the first place, to be held accountable.