The day I let go of... (Part 1)

The day I let go of... money

I can remember it as if it were yesterday; but it wasn't one of those really incredible days when you know that you have just endured something profound. It was pitiful and full of heartache, I felt as though my heart would be ripped from my chest. My entire world was ending.

I had no money, it was the end of the month. I could pay my rent but would not have money left for anything. I had been stressing about this for the entire month before, and yet still chose to (a month before) go overseas to do some more training. This was a choice that left me feeling very perplexed and guilty, because now I was knowingly putting my family in danger of loosing everything. And yet, that is still exactly what I did. 

But that is not how I let go of money...

I had kept it secret from my family the extent of our financial situation. I had lied when I went overseas, and I now had to admit what I had done to them. In the space of a few short weeks we would be living on the street. 

I had no job, no way to save us, no way to lend money as I already had collected excessive debt, no way to control the outcome anymore.

Admitting the situation to my family was the hardest thing I have ever done. My children looked down on me in disappointment.

That was when I broke. I could not stand that look in their eyes. 

I let go of my need for money when I sat for the first time and actually acknowledged the extent of my financial crisis. When I looked at the total numbers and realized exactly how deep in poop I was, I had nothing left to do but accept where I was. I had hit rock bottom and they were going to come and take away everything I have, everything we have. I couldn't do anything about it. I had lost my opportunity to turn it all around. That was the day that I decided that I could live through any situation that I could put myself in, I would go and live under a tree if that is what I had to do. And just like that, I let go of the need to have things and do things, to have this car or that, this house, these clothes, these things that are supposed to make you special. 

"When you can decide that you are more than your circumstances, is when you change your life." Viktor Frankel 

I was offered and employed in a job within the week. I would not have anything taken away from us, all the accounts would be paid. 

I had that job for about 6 months, then got another job with higher pay and company benefits, 6 months later again I got another job where I am now exceedingly happy, with a higher salary still and better benefits. We do not struggle for money anymore, we do not want for anything.

What you resist, persists. I was resisting being poor, I was resisting failing at my business, I was resisting disappointing my family. That's exactly what I created.

I created this massive tension that resolved in favour of my family living a good life, because if I am really honest that was all I really wanted to have from the start.