I have absolutely no self-discipline. It is the most difficult thing for me to actually do what I set out to do. I will always create some kind of distraction or outside event to keep me busy doing everything except what I set out to do. Or even worse, I will just sit there, knowing I had things I wanted to do, and just not do it.
Here's an example, so I have made a decision to drink more water every day, be healthier and get in my fluids. Which is great, I am enthusiastic to get to it.
The first day I am usually quite good, get in a couple of glasses, remember to carry a bottle around with me, have a bottle in the car. I feel good.
The second day, I forget to refill the bottle in my car, get to work and only feel like drinking coffee, I don't drink a single glass of water. But, it's ok, I can carry on again tomorrow... only it doesn't. Don't get me wrong, I hear the little voice in my head telling me that I should rather have a glass of water instead of the coffee, but I do it anyway. It reminds me to get the bottle out of my car to refill it, I just don't do it.
Day three and I completely forget everything I set out to do and just leave it. I am back in my old pattern and routine. I get depressed.
What do I do to fix this? How do I get out of this pattern? Why do I always do this?
How you do anything is how you do everything.
In my ego world, I am not allowed to be capable. This is a fundamental belief that I hold, so I play this out by never actually doing anything unless it has the stamp of approval from some authority (which isn't me). Or, as in this case, I start but give up half way because I cannot do it without someone else holding me accountable to continue.
In my ego world I have an invisibility belief, and I have to be needed in order to be seen. But then, when I am needed, I am not allowed to be capable and I create situations where those who need me have to save the situation, which results in me being pushed aside and any further efforts to help being ignored, making me "invisible".
To be capable of changing my life would mean that I no longer need to be "saved" and if I don't need to be "saved" then nobody would know that I even existed...
To stay safe I need to play small and not be capable, and that is why I struggle to stretch myself or even challenge myself to do something, anything; because if I do and I succeed, then I would have proved my beliefs wrong and what other things would I be forced to accept were untrue? What would that actually mean about who I am?
