Lessons from Ten Pin Bowling

From the moment I arrived at the bowling hall, I knew that this was going to be a tough afternoon. The boisterous youngsters’ we were set to play with were teasing and joking among themselves, of long standing point feuds to be settled that day, at this very next tournament. I immediately began to feel anxious, how would I compete? I am no good at this…

It was amazing, that in a few short steps I had allowed my beliefs and assumptions to completely take control of my thoughts, I could feel myself begin to withdraw and if it weren’t for the fear of being ridiculed, I might have not even played at all. I pretended that everything was fantastic, that I was having as much fun as everyone else around me, but inside I was falling apart.

I cannot stand not being able to do anything amazingly on the first try, I cannot stand the idea that someone might laugh at me, or judge me, or find me lacking… even if I know that everyone else is possibly playing just as badly as I am. I allow it to consume me so that it sucks the life out of every “fun” game I attempt.

As I take my first step up to the bowling lane, I have a fleeting thought rush across my mind, like a convict fleeing from a daring prison escape, not wanting to be caught, “Focus creates Reality!” it shouts. I pause… “Of course!” I step up to the line, look at the pins lined up neatly on the end and toss the ball squarely down the lane to take out 5 pins. I feel pretty good about myself and the next ball crashes unceremoniously into the gutter.

We played 3 games of 10 turns each, and every time it was my turn, I would set my focus on the target, sometimes I would hit them, but often I would not. I finished stone last.

The interesting thing with the whole exercise was the Awareness that I held around what I was playing out. I could clearly see when I was focused on the actual target (because then I would hit the pins) and when I was actually focused on doing something wrong, like my foot slipping if I walked up to quickly or thinking that I shouldn’t get it in the gutter again. I would literally catch the thought as it left my mind and knew every time why I had missed, because I could see what my last thought had been of.

The lesson that was reinforced for me was that we are always focused on something, we want to think that we are focused on achieving whatever task we have set out to accomplish, however usually we are focused on our beliefs or assumptions, in my case not wanting to make a fool of myself and not being good enough at the game to compete, and we aren’t even aware that we are doing it.

In mastering life, the key is all about awareness, as to what actions your thoughts and feelings are driving you to take and of where your focus actually is, because when you focus on your thoughts and feelings all you do is recreate the thing you were hoping to avoid in the first place. But, when you focus on your End Result, and don’t let go of it until the very end when it is created, that is when true magic happens.

I'm Not Capable

I have absolutely no self-discipline. It is the most difficult thing for me to actually do what I set out to do. I will always create some kind of distraction or outside event to keep me busy doing everything except what I set out to do. Or even worse, I will just sit there, knowing I had things I wanted to do, and just not do it. 

Here's an example, so I have made a decision to drink more water every day, be healthier and get in my fluids. Which is great, I am enthusiastic to get to it. 

The first day I am usually quite good, get in a couple of glasses, remember to carry a bottle around with me, have a bottle in the car. I feel good.

The second day, I forget to refill the bottle in my car, get to work and only feel like drinking coffee, I don't drink a single glass of water. But, it's ok, I can carry on again tomorrow... only it doesn't. Don't get me wrong, I hear the little voice in my head telling me that I should rather have a glass of water instead of the coffee, but I do it anyway. It reminds me to get the bottle out of my car to refill it, I just don't do it.

Day three and I completely forget everything I set out to do and just leave it. I am back in my old pattern and routine. I get depressed.

What do I do to fix this?  How do I get out of this pattern? Why do I always do this?

How you do anything is how you do everything. 

In my ego world, I am not allowed to be capable. This is a fundamental belief that I hold, so I play this out by never actually doing anything unless it has the stamp of approval from some authority (which isn't me). Or, as in this case, I start but give up half way because I cannot do it without someone else holding me accountable to continue. 

In my ego world I have an invisibility belief, and I have to be needed in order to be seen. But then, when I am needed, I am not allowed to be capable and I create situations where those who need me have to save the situation, which results in me being pushed aside and any further efforts to help being ignored, making me "invisible".

To be capable of changing my life would mean that I no longer need to be "saved" and if I don't need to be "saved" then nobody would know that I even existed... 

To stay safe I need to play small and not be capable, and that is why I struggle to stretch myself or even challenge myself to do something, anything; because if I do and I succeed, then I would have proved my beliefs wrong and what other things would I be forced to accept were untrue? What would that actually mean about who I am?