Lessons from Ten Pin Bowling

From the moment I arrived at the bowling hall, I knew that this was going to be a tough afternoon. The boisterous youngsters’ we were set to play with were teasing and joking among themselves, of long standing point feuds to be settled that day, at this very next tournament. I immediately began to feel anxious, how would I compete? I am no good at this…

It was amazing, that in a few short steps I had allowed my beliefs and assumptions to completely take control of my thoughts, I could feel myself begin to withdraw and if it weren’t for the fear of being ridiculed, I might have not even played at all. I pretended that everything was fantastic, that I was having as much fun as everyone else around me, but inside I was falling apart.

I cannot stand not being able to do anything amazingly on the first try, I cannot stand the idea that someone might laugh at me, or judge me, or find me lacking… even if I know that everyone else is possibly playing just as badly as I am. I allow it to consume me so that it sucks the life out of every “fun” game I attempt.

As I take my first step up to the bowling lane, I have a fleeting thought rush across my mind, like a convict fleeing from a daring prison escape, not wanting to be caught, “Focus creates Reality!” it shouts. I pause… “Of course!” I step up to the line, look at the pins lined up neatly on the end and toss the ball squarely down the lane to take out 5 pins. I feel pretty good about myself and the next ball crashes unceremoniously into the gutter.

We played 3 games of 10 turns each, and every time it was my turn, I would set my focus on the target, sometimes I would hit them, but often I would not. I finished stone last.

The interesting thing with the whole exercise was the Awareness that I held around what I was playing out. I could clearly see when I was focused on the actual target (because then I would hit the pins) and when I was actually focused on doing something wrong, like my foot slipping if I walked up to quickly or thinking that I shouldn’t get it in the gutter again. I would literally catch the thought as it left my mind and knew every time why I had missed, because I could see what my last thought had been of.

The lesson that was reinforced for me was that we are always focused on something, we want to think that we are focused on achieving whatever task we have set out to accomplish, however usually we are focused on our beliefs or assumptions, in my case not wanting to make a fool of myself and not being good enough at the game to compete, and we aren’t even aware that we are doing it.

In mastering life, the key is all about awareness, as to what actions your thoughts and feelings are driving you to take and of where your focus actually is, because when you focus on your thoughts and feelings all you do is recreate the thing you were hoping to avoid in the first place. But, when you focus on your End Result, and don’t let go of it until the very end when it is created, that is when true magic happens.

Originally written in August 2015, I was at one of my lowest points and even having the training and tools I have, could not see anything good on the horizon. I managed to pull another good distraction and got stuck in my story. I tried to pretend that it wasn't happening, focus on the higher! But, actually I was focussed on how much shit I was in.

It’s the last day of the month and my debit orders are about to start pinging off on my phone. I am at my wits end. I know I will have enough money to cover the majority of my major expenses, especially the debit orders and my rent, but the problem is that the money isn’t all in my account right now, and won’t be until the middle of the month. This, to any rational person, would not be such a major issue except for the fact that they might have to tell a few creditors to try again in a few days. The world will not end. I will not be blacklisted, I will not have my possessions taken away.

The thing is that I don’t like to owe anyone anything and, I have an assumption that says that Money creates conflict, so whenever anything has to do with money, it is going to create some form of conflict. As in; I will have to spend what little I have on fixing something unexpectedly, or one of my income streams will have a hiccup and not pay out, or I will have a splurge and spend it on some junk food or an evening out, which will leave me without enough money to meet my obligations and therefore, create conflict.  

I have not had many times in my life where I have had to deal with situations like this. Even after being unemployed since the beginning of the year, I have still managed to keep my little family ticking over and meeting my obligations.

Being able to get through a time like this has to do with staying focussed on a higher ideal, your higher vision. In my case that is building a fun and vibrant events business, together with living my passion of coaching and teaching others. It is when you stay focussed on what end results you want to create, that you begin to operate from a creative orientation, and can stay ahead of the game.

Let me explain a bit more about how the process works. Imagine in your mind’s eye that you have an elastic band pulled tight between your two fingers. Your left hand finger represents the vision of what you want to create, and the right hand finger represents what is going on for you right now in your every-day life or current reality. The taut band in between the two causes creative tension. Your subconscious mind then gets put under strain to resolve the creative tension, which it does by listening to where you put the most focus, i.e. if your focus is on your limiting beliefs, then you will keep on creating more of what is happening in your current reality. But, if your focus is on creating an epic end result, then your subconscious delivers to you creative and unique ways to achieve your vision.

So guess where I have been focused…

Negative Vision

This past week I learnt a massive lesson regarding creating from a negative vision. A negative vision is when you go for something but it is actually in order to get away from something else, not that it looks like that at the time.

I was going after a house to rent in Edenvale.

I had been experiencing loads of trouble through my landlord / estate agent in the house I was staying in, and desperately wanted to find a new place to stay. I even took the plunge and gave in my notice at the very start of the month, so I would have the extra motivation to find a new place. Within a few days of searching I found an amazing place, and submitted my application, which was initially rejected but after further negotiation was accepted. I believed everything was sorted out, all I had to do was wait for the lease agreement and pay the deposit. This new place was a bit more expensive than what I was currently paying, but I could make it work with a bit of juggling.

All the while I was still fighting with my landlord to get my problems with them sorted out, they simply did not seem to care.

I signed the lease for the new place, and paid the deposit, rent and all the little extras. It was difficult to pull that amount of money together all at once. I kept thinking about how much extra I would be spending every month, and if the expense is really justified, how it would change the standard of living for my family that I had only just managed to improve.

On Friday, on the weekend I was meant to move into my new place, the estate agent called to tell me that the owner had decided to let to another person and had not advised them… there was no new house for me.

I had lost my house to rent in Edenvale.

The negative vision had been created because I wanted a new house to live in, because I wanted to get away from the landlord / estate agents that were messing me around, and although it is still an end result for me to have a home in Edenvale, I was creating it here in a dysfunctional way.  

My focus the whole time had actually been on the money, and getting back at my landlord.

What I learnt was that you need to be sure of where your focus really is. All the things that creep up around what you would love, are the things that pull your focus off, and don’t let go of your focus on your end result until it has actually been realised. This is why it is important to have a coach who can help you to see past the smoke-screen of your identity because without mine, I don’t think I would have, and to keep on practicing and learning to raise your awareness around the truth of what is really going on.