From the moment I arrived at the
bowling hall, I knew that this was going to be a tough afternoon. The
boisterous youngsters’ we were set to play with were teasing and joking among themselves, of long standing point feuds to be settled that day, at this very
next tournament. I immediately began to feel anxious, how would I compete? I am
no good at this…
It was amazing, that in a few
short steps I had allowed my beliefs and assumptions to completely take control
of my thoughts, I could feel myself begin to withdraw and if it weren’t for the
fear of being ridiculed, I might have not even played at all. I pretended that
everything was fantastic, that I was having as much fun as everyone else around
me, but inside I was falling apart.
I cannot stand not being able to do
anything amazingly on the first try, I cannot stand the idea that someone might
laugh at me, or judge me, or find me lacking… even if I know that everyone else
is possibly playing just as badly as I am. I allow it to consume me so that it
sucks the life out of every “fun” game I attempt.
As I take my first step up to the
bowling lane, I have a fleeting thought rush across my mind, like a convict
fleeing from a daring prison escape, not wanting to be caught, “Focus creates
Reality!” it shouts. I pause… “Of course!” I step up to the line, look at the
pins lined up neatly on the end and toss the ball squarely down the lane to take
out 5 pins. I feel pretty good about myself and the next ball crashes
unceremoniously into the gutter.
We played 3 games of 10 turns
each, and every time it was my turn, I would set my focus on the target,
sometimes I would hit them, but often I would not. I finished stone last.
The interesting thing with the
whole exercise was the Awareness that I held around what I was playing out. I
could clearly see when I was focused on the actual target (because then I would
hit the pins) and when I was actually focused on doing something wrong, like
my foot slipping if I walked up to quickly or thinking that I shouldn’t get it
in the gutter again. I would literally catch the thought as it left my mind and
knew every time why I had missed, because I could see what my last thought had
been of.
The lesson that was reinforced for
me was that we are always focused on something, we want to think that we are
focused on achieving whatever task we have set out to accomplish, however
usually we are focused on our beliefs or assumptions, in my case not wanting
to make a fool of myself and not being good enough at the game to compete, and
we aren’t even aware that we are doing it.
In mastering life, the key is all
about awareness, as to what actions your thoughts and feelings are driving you
to take and of where your focus actually is, because when you focus on your
thoughts and feelings all you do is recreate the thing you were hoping to avoid
in the first place. But, when you focus on your End Result, and don’t let go of
it until the very end when it is created, that is when true magic happens.
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