The day I let go of... (Part 1)

The day I let go of... money

I can remember it as if it were yesterday; but it wasn't one of those really incredible days when you know that you have just endured something profound. It was pitiful and full of heartache, I felt as though my heart would be ripped from my chest. My entire world was ending.

I had no money, it was the end of the month. I could pay my rent but would not have money left for anything. I had been stressing about this for the entire month before, and yet still chose to (a month before) go overseas to do some more training. This was a choice that left me feeling very perplexed and guilty, because now I was knowingly putting my family in danger of loosing everything. And yet, that is still exactly what I did. 

But that is not how I let go of money...

I had kept it secret from my family the extent of our financial situation. I had lied when I went overseas, and I now had to admit what I had done to them. In the space of a few short weeks we would be living on the street. 

I had no job, no way to save us, no way to lend money as I already had collected excessive debt, no way to control the outcome anymore.

Admitting the situation to my family was the hardest thing I have ever done. My children looked down on me in disappointment.

That was when I broke. I could not stand that look in their eyes. 

I let go of my need for money when I sat for the first time and actually acknowledged the extent of my financial crisis. When I looked at the total numbers and realized exactly how deep in poop I was, I had nothing left to do but accept where I was. I had hit rock bottom and they were going to come and take away everything I have, everything we have. I couldn't do anything about it. I had lost my opportunity to turn it all around. That was the day that I decided that I could live through any situation that I could put myself in, I would go and live under a tree if that is what I had to do. And just like that, I let go of the need to have things and do things, to have this car or that, this house, these clothes, these things that are supposed to make you special. 

"When you can decide that you are more than your circumstances, is when you change your life." Viktor Frankel 

I was offered and employed in a job within the week. I would not have anything taken away from us, all the accounts would be paid. 

I had that job for about 6 months, then got another job with higher pay and company benefits, 6 months later again I got another job where I am now exceedingly happy, with a higher salary still and better benefits. We do not struggle for money anymore, we do not want for anything.

What you resist, persists. I was resisting being poor, I was resisting failing at my business, I was resisting disappointing my family. That's exactly what I created.

I created this massive tension that resolved in favour of my family living a good life, because if I am really honest that was all I really wanted to have from the start.

Originally written in August 2015, I was at one of my lowest points and even having the training and tools I have, could not see anything good on the horizon. I managed to pull another good distraction and got stuck in my story. I tried to pretend that it wasn't happening, focus on the higher! But, actually I was focussed on how much shit I was in.

It’s the last day of the month and my debit orders are about to start pinging off on my phone. I am at my wits end. I know I will have enough money to cover the majority of my major expenses, especially the debit orders and my rent, but the problem is that the money isn’t all in my account right now, and won’t be until the middle of the month. This, to any rational person, would not be such a major issue except for the fact that they might have to tell a few creditors to try again in a few days. The world will not end. I will not be blacklisted, I will not have my possessions taken away.

The thing is that I don’t like to owe anyone anything and, I have an assumption that says that Money creates conflict, so whenever anything has to do with money, it is going to create some form of conflict. As in; I will have to spend what little I have on fixing something unexpectedly, or one of my income streams will have a hiccup and not pay out, or I will have a splurge and spend it on some junk food or an evening out, which will leave me without enough money to meet my obligations and therefore, create conflict.  

I have not had many times in my life where I have had to deal with situations like this. Even after being unemployed since the beginning of the year, I have still managed to keep my little family ticking over and meeting my obligations.

Being able to get through a time like this has to do with staying focussed on a higher ideal, your higher vision. In my case that is building a fun and vibrant events business, together with living my passion of coaching and teaching others. It is when you stay focussed on what end results you want to create, that you begin to operate from a creative orientation, and can stay ahead of the game.

Let me explain a bit more about how the process works. Imagine in your mind’s eye that you have an elastic band pulled tight between your two fingers. Your left hand finger represents the vision of what you want to create, and the right hand finger represents what is going on for you right now in your every-day life or current reality. The taut band in between the two causes creative tension. Your subconscious mind then gets put under strain to resolve the creative tension, which it does by listening to where you put the most focus, i.e. if your focus is on your limiting beliefs, then you will keep on creating more of what is happening in your current reality. But, if your focus is on creating an epic end result, then your subconscious delivers to you creative and unique ways to achieve your vision.

So guess where I have been focused…

Going after your Heart

When you go after your heart, everyone around you wins, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. 

A couple of years after I got divorced, I bought my family home. I did it to ensure that my parents would always have a roof over their heads, and so I would have a bit of an investment property. The only problem was that is came with the added ties of my brothers, who never seemed able to leave.

Now it is 6 years on and I have long since moved out of the home I own, but the rest of my family continue to live there... 2 brothers, their partners and my parents in the cottage on the back. It is difficult to live there, with constant drama and 2 grown men who don't seem to want to take responsibility for their lives. I had run away from the situation, hoping that it would work itself out and everyone would find their way, but I was wrong, all I had done was enable them to continue to live out of the pockets of our parents, causing undue stress for our father, a man who is already past retirement age, but continues to work to keep the family going.

I know in my heart it is time for us all to move on, it is time for us all to take the next step in our journey; and the only way for that to happen is for me to sell the one thing that is keeping us all tied together... the house.

In the past, whenever I had spoken about changing how things operate with regards to the house, I would be shot down and chastised for not being considerate of the situations of others; I would be told that I did not care, because the boys were struggling and we should be supportive of our family. So now, to want to do this, my immediate thoughts were that I would not be heard and I would not be allowed to do the thing that I know will serve us all in the long run.

Today I took a step in favour of my heart and I went and sat with my parents to explain what I was thinking. I opened my heart to show them the genuine nature of my intended actions, to show them how this is the best step for us all. A move of tough love so that the boys no longer have an easy out to be rescued, and an action to keep the promise I had made in the first place. 

We spoke as adults, with open hearts and open minds, not an unknowing child to a parent, and I was heard, my courage to take the stand that nobody else was willing to take making itself felt in the outcome.

We are going to sell the house; the boys must find their own way, my parents will finally be able to rest and retire and I will be free of the burden of responsibility I have carried for them all. 

My heart knows the truth of us all needing to be sovereign in our own lives, to be responsible for our own destiny and it knows that that often means making difficult decisions that affect the lives of those we love... but the truth will, quite literally, set you free.