Hanging in the Tension

A while ago I wrote a blog about the house that I own and how I had followed my heart to speaking my truth and created a shift with my parents in terms of moving forward and selling my house so that our family would grow and become sovereign.

This created a huge amount of tension for me, because I "knew" that everyone would be against this move, I would get attacked, disowned and it would cause an incredible rift in the family; even more than the current living situation was doing.

I found myself in this cycle of trying to work out what I was supposed to do like get a valuation done, speak to estate agents, find out if it would be viable, what do i have to do, who must I speak to... I had to figure out how I could manipulate and convince my brothers that this was for the best. I completely forgot about what I would truly love to happen, my end result. This wasn't about me or them, it's about our parents. 

I went around and around in this cycle, one day I was going to put my foot down and make it happen, the next I was cringing in the corner trying to forget what I had to do. I had to have the discussion with my brothers about the situation but no matter how convinced I was, I "knew" there would be trouble. All the time the tension grew and the situation got worse. Months passed in this.

I would try to stay focused on my end result, I looked into it, I did processes, but I always seemed to be stuck... and I never let it go, it was always there.

And then all of a sudden a shift happened; I realized that I didn't need my brothers' permission or the acceptance of the situation in order to do what I wanted. I didn't need to convince them. What I want is true and that's all I have to focus on.

Synchronicity happened the very next day when my one brother announced to me that he was moving out and just like that the entire situation changed; the conversation became easier to initiate and moving into next phase became more tangible.

When we can hang in the tension created by a situation, we gain valuable insights into our motivations and the actions that our identity drive us to take. When we don't let go of our end result, no matter how many times we slip off the path, the tension created will always resolve in favor of it... and the best part was that I didn't have to DO anything.

Lessons from Ten Pin Bowling

From the moment I arrived at the bowling hall, I knew that this was going to be a tough afternoon. The boisterous youngsters’ we were set to play with were teasing and joking among themselves, of long standing point feuds to be settled that day, at this very next tournament. I immediately began to feel anxious, how would I compete? I am no good at this…

It was amazing, that in a few short steps I had allowed my beliefs and assumptions to completely take control of my thoughts, I could feel myself begin to withdraw and if it weren’t for the fear of being ridiculed, I might have not even played at all. I pretended that everything was fantastic, that I was having as much fun as everyone else around me, but inside I was falling apart.

I cannot stand not being able to do anything amazingly on the first try, I cannot stand the idea that someone might laugh at me, or judge me, or find me lacking… even if I know that everyone else is possibly playing just as badly as I am. I allow it to consume me so that it sucks the life out of every “fun” game I attempt.

As I take my first step up to the bowling lane, I have a fleeting thought rush across my mind, like a convict fleeing from a daring prison escape, not wanting to be caught, “Focus creates Reality!” it shouts. I pause… “Of course!” I step up to the line, look at the pins lined up neatly on the end and toss the ball squarely down the lane to take out 5 pins. I feel pretty good about myself and the next ball crashes unceremoniously into the gutter.

We played 3 games of 10 turns each, and every time it was my turn, I would set my focus on the target, sometimes I would hit them, but often I would not. I finished stone last.

The interesting thing with the whole exercise was the Awareness that I held around what I was playing out. I could clearly see when I was focused on the actual target (because then I would hit the pins) and when I was actually focused on doing something wrong, like my foot slipping if I walked up to quickly or thinking that I shouldn’t get it in the gutter again. I would literally catch the thought as it left my mind and knew every time why I had missed, because I could see what my last thought had been of.

The lesson that was reinforced for me was that we are always focused on something, we want to think that we are focused on achieving whatever task we have set out to accomplish, however usually we are focused on our beliefs or assumptions, in my case not wanting to make a fool of myself and not being good enough at the game to compete, and we aren’t even aware that we are doing it.

In mastering life, the key is all about awareness, as to what actions your thoughts and feelings are driving you to take and of where your focus actually is, because when you focus on your thoughts and feelings all you do is recreate the thing you were hoping to avoid in the first place. But, when you focus on your End Result, and don’t let go of it until the very end when it is created, that is when true magic happens.